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Boy/Girl Friendships. And Couples.

Written on June 6, 2011, Monday, it was about Love, Opinions, Thoughts and it received 11 comments

A few days ago, I put up a poll on my DeviantART account after viewing photos on a friend’s Facebook album, capturing moments of a trip to Sestriere my fiancée went to with three girls friends on February/March 2010. We were barely together at the time, and I wasn’t jealous of his sleeping with female friends, even because I always trusted Simone. Today, though, even though my trust in Simone has increased considerably, I can no longer accept such a behaviour: in my book, women who are friends to my husband-to-be have no right to sleep with him, nor to snuggle with him. I’m the only woman who’s got the exclusive right of sleeping, snuggling and getting close physically and emotionally to Simone: the remainder of womankind must stand meters away (exception done for his mother, sister and family members in general).

Someone may argue that my jealousy is excessive, but I’m honestly only defending the couple Luana-Simone: when limits are not set, the couple looses its identity. Let’s setup an example story to show you my point of view.

Example Couple: Alice and Bob

We have a couple: Alice and Bob.

Let’s say that Bob has a nice group of affectionate friends, including many girls.
Let’s also say that Alice has a lot of male friends.

Alice and Bob are not jealous of each other. They love and respect each other and are protective, but they also think each of them should let their friends express their affection their own way, and that the couple stays the couple no matter what.

One day, Alice and Bob go out together and with their friends too.

Let’s say Bob has a female friend called Mia and Alice has a male friend named Hugo, both very affectionate persons and friends.

Mia is so affectionate that she often takes Bob’s hand, sits on Bob’s lap on the bus, rests her head on his shoulder (or on his chest when she’s sad and cries) and laughs telling jokes while she does. She also sleeps with Bob in the same room, when he comes over to visit her, and she ones shared her bed with him because there was a sleepover and there were many friends in the room, and Bob was the only one she trusted more to sleep with her. She also likes to feel her best friend is at her side, because she feels protected and because he’s like a brother to her.

Hugo is also a very affectionate friend to Mia. He often hugs her tightly and sways her gently in his arms when she’s sad. Hugo also takes Mia on his lap when they’re on the bus, and once slept with her on a sleepover.

So, during this hangout together, the time and gestures for the couple is equally distributed with time/gestures for these friends.

One other day, both Alice and Bob go on different trips, and their friends come along. It ends up that Alice and her male friends sleep together in the same bed to save up on the number of beds in the hotel, and Bob and his female friends do the same. Of course, there are always those same “friendly” cuddles between these affectionate friends.

End of Example Story.

Now, put a hand on your heart tell me: where is the couple?

I’ll be honest: I can’t see any couple here. I see friends who don’t know what’s their place now that their good friend have found a significant other. I see a boyfriend and a girlfriend who don’t give their being a couple a real identity: everything’s the same with friends and with each other. I see friends arrogating themselves roles that do not pertain to them. I see a couple whose excessive freedom can lead to infidelity sooner or later; if not from the couple, at least from friends, who have every “weapon” in their hands to work out their good friends’ feelings. All that, because they were allowed in the first place to show no respect to the couple.

I believe that a boy and a girl who are FRIENDS *and* at least one of them has a significant other:

The above actions between friends are just plainly disgusting to me.

Of course, everyone can do what they want, as we all have different opinions about relationships and friendships. Just make sure you don’t do that on my fiancée… because chances are high that I’ll kick your butt away and never allow you to approach him anymore.

Picture copyright: Deshow.net

P.S. I’m a forgiving person: as you could read in the comments I posted on the poll, I forgave my Love’s friends… Even so, that does not mean I will allow them to put their hands on him, and Simone is not allowing them either, now that he has matured a stronger sense of protection toward our relationship. ;)

Luana Spinetti

11 Responses to “Boy/Girl Friendships. And Couples.”

  1. Chaser Cruz says:

    Like in any relationships, limitations should be set. Like for girl and boy friendship there are limitation in order to make the friendship build a strong relationship. They should both act as a friend and not as a lover.


  2. Moni says:

    Totally agree with you LUANA!!! In my book its totally OBSURD if any of my husbands female friends get that close to him! I would completely loooooooseeeee itt LOL! I agree with that you;ve explained here. Even though many people dont think too much of this type of behaviour nowadays, in many cultures its still considered very very very very inappropriate!
    Oh yes I had to ask you something so I will be emailing you hehehe


  3. Ayah says:

    i agree so much dear. i mean, friends are just friends and should never get to a point wherein they would do things that gf-bf do especially when the other has someone already. i hope your fiancee will realize that and let you be the only one to do so because you guys will be tying the knot anytime soon.

    i understand your point because i am a girl too. i would not like my partner snuggling with other girls – even though they’re just friends. i am a jealous woman. what can i say? haha. :D oh well.
    Ayah recently posted..The Skin Shop- A Korean Natural Cosmetic Brand Specializing in BB Creams


  4. Sam says:

    I completely completely completely agree honey. I can totally understand your protectiveness and to be honest, i don’t think you are be jealous – I think you are being completely within your rights as a fiance!

    My boyfriend is a very affectionate person, he likes to hug his friends and he is always friendly and personable to the point where he could be misunderstood as being flirty, but he is just very enthusiastic and as a psychologist, his job is to make people feel comfortable and to make them believe he is 100% interested in what they are saying but he would never sleep in the same bed with a girl now he is with me.

    I think it all comes down to expectations. And the fact you are so firm on the point that this behaviour is NOT an option then there is no excuse. SImone needs to understand what you expect and what you find acceptable and I am glad to hear that he is growing stronger in the relationship and understanding that sometimes are sacred for the relationship you are in. I hope that it keeps improving. You deserve to feel happy and secure!! And making you feel those things should be Simone’s number one priority!! xx


  5. Georgina says:

    Aw Lu, you think so logically and rightly all the time, I honestly cannot help but admire you and your love for Simone and the strong relationship that you guys have. I know how it is to have other close friends… and I guess, James not so much. Nearly all my friends are boys (minus Lilian who is my only girl friend), and I am very close with them to the point I feel like they are my brothers. We hug each other hello and goodbye, and they hug me to console me and I do the same back. I know there is a point when it becomes too extreme for some people. In most of my cases I guess my male friends are also James’s friends… so in that sense, James doesn’t mind, trusting his friends as much as he trusts me so that we don’t do anything silly together. One of my dear male friends did ask if I’d just sleep with him – and I imagined, if we had a big sleepover with a bunch of us it would be okay. After all, sleeping in the same bed is fine, but when that turns into cuddling and such, I don’t really find it disgusting as you do, but it is not all that appropriate when you are in a couple.

    I know all too well about “couples” – I had a friend who was with another friend of mine, and they had a wonderful relationship. Unfortunately my male friend was exceptionally close to another female friend and they were so close that his girlfriend really wasn’t pleased. I believe that certain acts, when you are in a devoted relationship, should be reserved for that relationship only. It’s really not about jealousy but what is right and wrong. Everyone does have their own view but for the most part I agree with most of what you said. :)


  6. Clarisse says:

    I agree with you, 100%. I don’t think of it as jealousy; I think of it more as a matter of respect.

    When someone is taken, there are certain boundaries the people around them have to respect. There is a very thin line between being friendly and flirty, and I try to stay as far as I can from that line, and I expect any boyfriend of mine to do the same.

    Certain things are just inappropriate. I’d take it as an insult, like those boundaries don’t even matter.
    Clarisse recently posted..When other people read my blog


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    Friends should always remind themselves to be just that – FRIENDS! They should never be allowed to step in a significant other’s role. I completely agree on your position, and I believe yours not to be jealousy: you are only stating what’s right in a couple, and what’s wrong with some people’s behaviors. You are wise, and I wish you a bright future with your relationship. :)

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  8. Tricia says:

    I couldn’t agree more! There should still be limitations because without it, you shouldnt have called yourselves a couple in the first place. Also, both party in a relationship has every right to get jealous when what the other one is doing has gone beyond the limits.

    Thanks for your comment on my post. You were the first one! And I linked you on my blog. :)

    Loveyou Luana! :)
    Tricia recently posted..And she is back!


  9. Jenny says:

    I never felt comfortable with straight male friends and their female friends getting lovey-dovey with each other. For example, in my school, a lot of the guys and girls who are friends hold hands and hug each other. I find it completely ridiculous because I, for one, personally believe that’s too touchy-feely. I don’t even do that with my mom! I also believe that they’re flirting on the down-low (I’m definitely not suggesting that Simone is doing that).

    I’ve hugged a guy friend before, but that was the last hug I gave him. I think he knew I didn’t like to hug (grr… I’m a grouch) so now I high-five him (lol).

    You’re definitely justified in feeling that way. :)
    Jenny recently posted..Vegetarian pledge – 30 days later


  10. Domenica says:

    I can definitely see where you are coming from. I have never had it happen but I can see why it is important to have such boundaries and keep them. I do hug my guys friends though often, obviously I do not have boyfriend/girlfriend feelings for them but its just how our relationships are. I do know though I would be upset if a boyfriend of mine was doing that with his girlfriends. Glad you two came to an agreement. :)

    I noticed the site luanasworld.it was up and checked it out right away! Can’t wait to see everything when it is completely up and running! :D


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