Boy/Girl Friendships. And Couples.
Written on June 6, 2011, Monday, it was about Love, Opinions, Thoughts and it received 11 comments
A few days ago, I put up a poll on my DeviantART account after viewing photos on a friend’s Facebook album, capturing moments of a trip to Sestriere my fiancée went to with three girls friends on February/March 2010. We were barely together at the time, and I wasn’t jealous of his sleeping with female friends, even because I always trusted Simone. Today, though, even though my trust in Simone has increased considerably, I can no longer accept such a behaviour: in my book, women who are friends to my husband-to-be have no right to sleep with him, nor to snuggle with him. I’m the only woman who’s got the exclusive right of sleeping, snuggling and getting close physically and emotionally to Simone: the remainder of womankind must stand meters away (exception done for his mother, sister and family members in general).
Someone may argue that my jealousy is excessive, but I’m honestly only defending the couple Luana-Simone: when limits are not set, the couple looses its identity. Let’s setup an example story to show you my point of view.
We have a couple: Alice and Bob.
Let’s say that Bob has a nice group of affectionate friends, including many girls.
Let’s also say that Alice has a lot of male friends.
Alice and Bob are not jealous of each other. They love and respect each other and are protective, but they also think each of them should let their friends express their affection their own way, and that the couple stays the couple no matter what.
One day, Alice and Bob go out together and with their friends too.
Let’s say Bob has a female friend called Mia and Alice has a male friend named Hugo, both very affectionate persons and friends.
Mia is so affectionate that she often takes Bob’s hand, sits on Bob’s lap on the bus, rests her head on his shoulder (or on his chest when she’s sad and cries) and laughs telling jokes while she does. She also sleeps with Bob in the same room, when he comes over to visit her, and she ones shared her bed with him because there was a sleepover and there were many friends in the room, and Bob was the only one she trusted more to sleep with her. She also likes to feel her best friend is at her side, because she feels protected and because he’s like a brother to her.
Hugo is also a very affectionate friend to Mia. He often hugs her tightly and sways her gently in his arms when she’s sad. Hugo also takes Mia on his lap when they’re on the bus, and once slept with her on a sleepover.
So, during this hangout together, the time and gestures for the couple is equally distributed with time/gestures for these friends.
One other day, both Alice and Bob go on different trips, and their friends come along. It ends up that Alice and her male friends sleep together in the same bed to save up on the number of beds in the hotel, and Bob and his female friends do the same. Of course, there are always those same “friendly” cuddles between these affectionate friends.
End of Example Story.
Now, put a hand on your heart tell me: where is the couple?
I’ll be honest: I can’t see any couple here. I see friends who don’t know what’s their place now that their good friend have found a significant other. I see a boyfriend and a girlfriend who don’t give their being a couple a real identity: everything’s the same with friends and with each other. I see friends arrogating themselves roles that do not pertain to them. I see a couple whose excessive freedom can lead to infidelity sooner or later; if not from the couple, at least from friends, who have every “weapon” in their hands to work out their good friends’ feelings. All that, because they were allowed in the first place to show no respect to the couple.
I believe that a boy and a girl who are FRIENDS *and* at least one of them has a significant other:
- should never sleep together, for no reason, not even a financial one (get a futon or something like that and sleep away, period)
- should never walk hand in hand
- should never snuggle publicly, and not snuggle at all anyway
- should keep physical and voice affection to a proper level, never stepping into their friend’s significant other’s role.
The above actions between friends are just plainly disgusting to me.
Of course, everyone can do what they want, as we all have different opinions about relationships and friendships. Just make sure you don’t do that on my fiancée… because chances are high that I’ll kick your butt away and never allow you to approach him anymore.
Picture copyright: Deshow.net
P.S. I’m a forgiving person: as you could read in the comments I posted on the poll, I forgave my Love’s friends… Even so, that does not mean I will allow them to put their hands on him, and Simone is not allowing them either, now that he has matured a stronger sense of protection toward our relationship.